Cross My Heart and Hope to Live
by LoveIsWrittenOnMyArms
Summary: So, its been said that when you die, if you've got something you just aren't giving up. That's what happened with these two kids. They were in love.
1. Emily's Home

This is a repost.

Originally titled Eternity, Lilly Truscott dies at a young age from cancer, and finds herself stuck on earth, haunting her boyfriend because he can't let go of her. LOE.

YAY.

Sorry, but I loved this story.

I'll post the next few chapters soooooon.

-Emilie

* * *

I lay in the empty hospital room. I was flipping through the latest Game Informer. Miley had sent it to me. She had been so amazing of a friend to me. She had been so amazing of a friend to me. I was really sad that I had to move.

My mom and I moved to this small town in New Jersey where there was a good hospital for Leukemia. I have it if you are wondering. I'm being treated with Chemo now, but its not helping much.

I haven't had most of the normal side effects of chemotherapy. No hair loss. No stomach ulcers. Just being tired all the time. And sore. And cold. Constantly.

So now I'm laying here.

--

Joe's POV.

"Is this the place?" Nick asked.

"Yeah. Emily's Home." Kevin said "Lets make these kid's day." He clapped his hands together and the three of us went inside the hospital.

Through out the day, we saw tons of kids who had cancer badly. When we made it to the forth floor, I spotted a girl.

She was laying facing the window. All I could see was her long blonde hair. It was rather golden. She was smaller than most teenagers. Much smaller. Not even petite, just smaller. And she was frail. I noticed a nurse near her room and walked over.

"Um.. Excuse me…." I asked her. The nurse was short and normal sized. She had soft caramel skin and warm brown eyes. Her hair was pulled up and curly. She wore pink scrubs.

"Yes?"

"Who's that?" I asked.

"Oh, this is Lilly."

"Whats her story?" I asked nicely. We were allowed to ask cause its why we were here.

"She's new to the hospital. About a week."

"Is that why she still has her hair?"

"OH, no. She just doesn't have that side effect. She just moved over here for this. She was diagnosed about four years ago. She one of the children we call 'on the edge'. Its terrible, she really is a sweet girl."

"On the edge? What do you mean?"

"She's been in chemotherapy for about two years. It takes everything out of you. She's one of the strongest patients we've had, but she's not going to last that much longer."

"She's going to die?"

"Yes. Her case is fatal, I'm afraid."

"Can I talk to her?"

"Sure. Hold on." She walked into the room and spoke to the girl. I saw the girl nod and the nurse waved me inside. I walked in and the girl turned to me.

"Joe?" She asked weakly.

My Lilly?

Her face was drained white and tired looking.

"Lilly Truscott?" The nurse went out of the room.

"What are you doing here?"

"My brothers and I are visiting some of the kids here." She nodded. "So… you have…"

"Its called Leukemia. And yes. I do." She sighed and stared up at the ceiling.

"For four years?" She nodded again. She looked so helpless and weak. "Is that why you broke up with me?" She sighed, and nodded again.

"I didn't want you to have to lose me." She said.

"Lilly, you could have told me."

"No. See that would have made you feel sorry for me." I nodded.

"I understand that." I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around to see Kevin and Nick standing there.

"Hey. Whatcha doing?" Kevin asked. I moved so they could see her. Her face somewhat lit up when she saw them.

"Kevin? Nicholas?" She asked. They both hugged her.

"Lilly… you have…" She nodded. "Wow… I never would have expected that."

"I'm sure. How are you guys doing?"

"Good. How are you?"

"Well…" She sat up a little. "Its not much longer." She said with a sad smile.

"Til' what?" Nick asked.

"Until its all over." She said, same smile on her face.

"Don't be like that…" Kevin said.

"Its ok. I've been fighting for years, and… I just don't see a point anymore. Fatal is fatal. No biggie."

"Its dying, Lilly. That is a biggie."

"Not really to me. I can't take the chemo anymore. My body always rejects the bone marrow."

"Bone marrow?"

"Yeah. Leukemia is basically bone cancer. Or blood. It means my bone marrow is dead, and my blood is poisoning me." She smiled again.

"Why are you so content about this?"

"I've lived with this stupid disease for four years, and I'm over it." She shrugged. "So how are you guys?"

"We're good. Just trying to make some kids day."

"Its really cool that your doing that."

"Thanks." There was a knock on the door. The nurse had returned.

"Lilly, we need to take some blood, are you done?"

"Um… yeah. Sorry, guys." She said. Kevin and Nick hugged her and the three of us left.

--

The next morning I wanted to visit Lilly alone. I went up to the forth floor and found her room. It was empty. The bed was made and the flowers that used to be sitting on the nightstand had disappeared. I saw a nurse walk by.

"Excuse me, Nurse, where is the girl who was in here yesterday?" I asked. She looked into the room and shook her head.

"Oh, Lilly? She passed away just last night. Terrible." She had a thick Irish accent. I nodded and looked to the room. I went inside and sat on the bed.

The air was dry and unappealing. It smelt of death. If you know that smell. How funerals and cemeteries smell.

I didn't know what to think. She was… gone?

Dead.

Death. It's a hard concept to grasp. She's not alive anymore. Its not like I just won't see her again. Nobody will.

"You don't have to be so depressing." I heard a girl's voice whisper. I spun around to see a girl sitting on the ground cross legged.

Lilly?

"Lilly?" I asked. She looked brighter. Her face was a shade of warm peach and he was wearing a little bit of make up. She was wearing a black pleated skirt and a white t-shirt with a vest over it. She had a pair of black high top converse on.

"Yes." She said she stood up and sat down next to me. "What? You don't recognize me?"

"But… I thought you were…"

"Dead?" She laughed. "Of course I am." I looked up at her.

"What?"

"Joseph. I am dead." I stood up and faced her. She was smiling widely at me.

"Then how….…are you here?"

"Its your fault, jerk." She said laughing. "You had to show up."

"What are you talking about?"

"You had to keep me here."

"Keep you here?"

"Yeah. I can't move on cause you couldn't let me go."

"So you're a…."

"Ghost? Yeah. It's not as bad as it seems. You never get hungry. You don't have to walk anywhere if you don't want to." I was speechless.

"Did I scare you?" She asked. I nodded slowly. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to." I just looked at her. "Please say something."

There was a pause.

"I don't know what to say." I finally said. "Your dead. Like… not alive. Like…dead! Dead, Lilly!" I started pacing.

"I'm aware of this."

"How long are you here? Can anybody else see you?"

"I don't know. I don't think anyone can see me though. I went to my house to see my mom and step dad. Neither noticed me there." She said, shrugging.

"Well… can I touch you?" I asked.

"I don't know." She held out her hand. I waited a second, then moved my hand towards hers. She flinched, moving her hand back. "I'm not sure about this."

"Don't worry." She nodded and held out her hand farther. My hand crept closer to hers slowly. My hand swept through hers. Her smile faded. "Its ok." I said.

"I just wanted something that felt like being alive again." She said, almost crying. I wanted to hug her so bad.

"I'm sorry…"

"Its ok." She said standing up. "What do you want to do?"

"What do you mean by that?…"

"Well.. I'm dead. My mom said that my funeral isn't for a few days. And standing in my old hospital room is a little pathetic on your part." She said.

"Um… I guess I should get home."

"Ok. I'll meet you there."

"Um…" I started. "No. Can you come with me?"

"Yeah. Sure." She smiled and walked to the door. She waved a hand for me to follow her. I walked after her down to my car. She waited patiently in front of the door.

"Its open." I said walking towards the car.

"Joe. I can't. My hand will go through it."

"Oh." I said. I walked over and opened for her. She sat down the car and I closed it. I got into the drivers seat of the car and put the key into the ignition. I looked to Lilly. "Lilly… Am I dreaming?"

"No. I don't think so. I'd pinch you, but… you know." I started to drive.

"Yeah. I just… You're dead. And you're a ghost, haunting me."

"I'm not haunting you! I'm just not able to move…. Ok, so I'm haunting you. But its not in a bad way."

"Yeah… I guess." I turned back to the road.

"Joe… I'm sorry about this."

"Sorry about what?"

"Weirding you out like this. I'm sorry."

"You aren't weirding me out…" I said, totally lying.

"Joe… yeah I am. You know it."

"Well.. Kind of."

"Its ok. I'm sure if you haunted me I'd be freaked as well." I glanced at her.

"Don't worry. I'll get over it." She smiled.


	2. Of Course, Silly

Lilly's POV.

Joe and I walked up to his house. He opened the door and we walked in.

"JOE!" Nick yelled from the couch. "Where have you been!!"

"I went back to see Lilly."

"Oh. How is she?" He said turning back to TRL.

"She's….." He glanced to me. I nodded.

"Its ok, Joe." I said.

"She's dead." Nick's head spun around.

"What?"

"She died last night."

"Oh my god…" He said. "Joe… you had better not be joking."

"I'm not." He said. Nick stood up.

"Joe… I'm so sorry." Nick hugged Joe.

"Its cool." I looked to the stairs and saw Kevin coming down. He gave Nick and Joe a strange look.

"What's up guys…." He said. They pulled out of the hug and turned to Kevin. I laughed.

"Well, that was hilarious." I said. Joe glanced at me, then back to his brothers.

"Lilly passed away last night." Joe said.

"Oh,…. Dude... I'm so sorry." Kevin said. Joe shook his head.

"Naw…"

"Ahhh. Be more interesting." I said, sitting down on the couch. Joe ignored me.

"So… what do we have going on today?" Joe asked.

"Pretty much nothing." Kevin said.

"I'm serious, Joe. You guys are boring when your alone." I said. Joe glared at me. "Hey. You want me to leave. I'll leave. I'll just go sit alone in my old bedroom watching my mom cry." He glared at me again. "Whatever. I'll just shut up." I said.

"Cool. I'm going to go up to my room." I followed Joe up the stairs and He closed the door before I could make it through. I walked through it. Joe was laying on his bed with his hands over his face.

"Well that was rude." I said.

"And so is you talking to me like that. It makes it impossible to not be insane to them. DO YOU WANT THEM TO FIND OUT?"

"Well. I guess not considering they'll think you are completely insane."

"Exactly. Therefore, as for you talking to me with those among the living in the room, just don't do it!" He yelled at me. I sat on the floor.

"Joe. Seriously, if you don't want me to cause chaos in your life so bad that you'll want to be dead too, I'd consider quitting with the dead girl jokes." I said coldly.

"Chaos? You can't even touch me." He said disbelievingly. I stood up and walked over to him. I slapped him. His face moved!! I punched the air.

"HA!" I said.

"What! I thought you couldn't…"

"Well, I guess I can if I focus." I sat back down on the floor.

"I'm sorry, OK. I know its my fault you're here anyway."

"No its not. I just have to much emotional baggage to check into death." He laughed.

"I guess."

"Hey… were am I supposed to go at night?"

"What do you mean?"

"Like… do I stay here? Or should I go back to my mom's house?"

"You can stay here if you want to. You can do what you want. You're dead." I glared at him. "Last dead girl joke. I swear."

"It had better be." I said. I lay down on the floor. "Gotta pillow?" I asked. He threw one at my head. It fell through. I picked it up and laid it on the floor. I put my head on it.

"Sleeping? You sleep?"

"I don't really need to, but… I can if that's what you're asking." I said. He shrugged.

"Just wondering. I didn't think dead people slept.."

"JOE!" I yelled.

"Sorry. I can't help it. I never get to use this material. I don't know many dead people." He laughed again.

"Ignoring you now." I said as I closed my eyes.

"You aren't sleeping." Joe said teasingly. I peaked a eye open. "Aha. "

"Its only like three. Why are you sleeping?" He asked.

"You're boring. Lets go doing something." I sat up and looked to him.

"Yes. I'm going to go do something with a ghost nobody but me can see. That'll go over just great." I stood up and lay down on his bed next to him.

"Well when you say it like that, you make yourself sound pathetic."

"And that's my fault?" He said sticking his head out at me.

"No, I guess not. But seriously, Joe. You guys have to be more interesting than this."

"We're nothing special. Just regular guys."

"Yeah. Right. Except the fact that you're the guy that millions of girls obsess about and you have two major albums. Just some normal guys."

"Go spy on my brothers if your that bored." He said looking through the magazine he was reading.

"Oh. That's a must." I stood up and walked down the hall to Nick's room. I went through the door. He was playing guitar on his bed. Boring. I walked to Kevin's room. He was watching a movie on his laptop. I decided to go see what Frankie was doing. I walked to his room. The door was open. He was playing with his Webkinz.

I sat down next to him. Frankie looked up at me.

"Hi." He said.

"Hi there… What's your name?"

"I'm Frankie. Who are you?"

"I'm Lilly."

"Want to play with my Webkinz?"

"I'd love to." He held up a small red dog.

"This is Rocket. He's a astronaut."

"Well. He's very cool."

I played with Frankie for about a hour. Kevin appeared at the door.

"Hey, Frank, you want me to play with you?"

"No. Its ok. Lilly and I are having fun by ourselves." He said.

"Who's Lilly?" Kevin asked nicely.

"Frankie, he can't see me." I said.

"She says you can't see her."

"Oh. Imaginary friend? Well, you two have fun." Kevin went away. Frankie looked at me.

"Are you my imagary friend?"

"Imaginary, but sure. Why don't you call me that." He smiled.

"Your pretty." He said.

"Thank you. You're a cutie." I said back.

"No. I'm a stud muffin." He said. I laughed.

--

Frankie held my hand, pulling me downstairs. His parents had called him for dinner. Frankie insisted that I come with him. He walked into the kitchen and looked around.

"I have a announcement!" He yelled. Everybody looked at him. "This," He pointed to me. "Is my friend, Lilly." He smiled. Nobody but Joe saw me. He smirked at me. He walked out to the living room were I was. He pulled me aside and looked at me.

"How can he see you?"

"I think its cause he so young. He believes in that kind of stuff." I felt a tug on my shirt. I turned around to see Frankie there.

"Paws off, Joe. I saw her first." He said innocently. I bent down to his view.

"Don't worry. You're my main man." He nodded and went back to the kitchen.

"I had a imaginary girlfriend once. Her name was Hilary. She left me for another kid." Joe said. I laughed,

"Joe… Don't make yourself sound like a fool."

"_To late_." He sang.


	3. Sitting by an Oak Tree

--

I woke up the next morning to Joe rustling around his room. I had opted to sleep on the floor. He insisted I take the bed, but once I made him realize I was dead, he laid off trying to make me sleep on his bed.

My eyes shot open. Joe was throwing things around and looking through things.

"Whatcha doing?" I asked. He looked to me.

"Um… looking for a book." He said.

"What are we doing today? Hopefully something interesting."

"Well… I don't know."

"Do you need any help?"

"No. I'm fine." He said. I felt kind of in the way.

"Uhg. Whatever. " I stood up and walked downstairs and lay down on the couch.

"Man. Being dead is boring." I said. I noticed Nick standing in the kitchen on the phone. I walked over to him and sat down listening.

"So… you're coming?" He asked. I could just make out the other end.

"Yeah. Oliver too."

"I'll be happy to see you again."

"Yeah. Me too. How's Joe doing?"

"I'm not sure. He seems to be completely fine with the love of his life dying."

"Weird. Well. I'll see you."

"Bye."

Yes.

Miley's coming.

--

After a few days of living -- actually, since I'm dead-- or haunting, rather, the Jonas house, I had developed a rhythm. I'd wake up, some days I'd go on a walk in the park with Joe, then watch the news with Mr. and Mrs. Jonas, then play with Frankie for a while and then hang out with Joe. Today was different though. Everyone was dressed up in black and not doing their normal routines. I walked upstairs to Joe's room. He was dressed in a suit. Black tie and dress shoes.

"Joe… what's going on today?" He turned today.

"We're going to your funeral." He said. I didn't know what to say.

"Oh…." was all I could choke out.

"I'm sorry, Lilly."

"I'm dead, remember. Its no big deal." I said. Inside I was a little broken. But the afterlife was no time to be sorry for myself.

--

I sat against a tree in the cemetery. A crowd of unfamiliar faces was surrounding my grave. I didn't bother watching. Once my body lay in the grave, people started clearing. Joe came up to me.

"How are you feeling?"

"I don't feel." I said.

"Lots of sad people down there."

"I see."

"Yeah." He said. I stood up.

"Joe… can you do me a favor?"

"Anything." I led him down to the groups of people. I spotted Miley and Oliver. Joe followed.

"Hi, Joe." MIley said, crying a little.

"I need you to tell them thank you for me. For being great friends, and that I love them." He nodded.

"Miley, Oliver… Lilly wanted me to thank you guys."

"What?"

"I saw her the day before. She told me to thank you guys for being amazing friends. She really loved you guys." They nodded and Miley hugged Joe.

"Thanks, Joe." I said. He smiled at me. I spotted my mom. I pointed to her and Joe walked over.

"Mrs. Stewart." He said. My mom and Miley's dad nodded.

"Tell her that I love her and she was a great mom."

"I was the last person to see Lilly. She told me to tell you she thought you were a great mom, and she loved you very much." He said. She hugged him tight, she was crying. She hugged my step dad after. Joe and I walked away from the group.

"Joe… How will this work?"

"What do you mean?"

"Me. I'm dead. We can't be together, cause I'm dead. What am I supposed to do while I'm still on earth?"

"I… I don't know." He said.

"Joe… I love you, but I need you to move on."

"Move on? How can I do that when your still here?" He asked. I sat down in the grass. He sat down with me.

"I don't know. We need to find you a girlfriend. A real one."

"Your real."

"Let me rephrase that. We need to find you a _alive_girlfriend." He shrugged.

"I can't have a girlfriend. Not with you around."

"Yes, you can. And you will. And I'm going to help you."

"No. You aren't."

"Your really gonna stop me? How do you expect to do that?"

"Uhg…" He said. I lay back into the grass.

"I wish I could feel the grass. I looks like its soft." I said. He lay back..

"It is soft. It smells good too."

"I'm sure."

"Joe?" I heard Kevin ask. Joe and I sat up to look at him.

"Yes…?"

"Your sitting in the grass in a cemetery alone." He said.

"I'm not alone." He pointed a finger to me. "I'm sitting with Frankie's friend."

"Very funny, Joe." Kevin said.

"Not funny ,Kevin. Your mean to me when I'm dead. Seriously. You were like… one of my best friends, and your not even sad!" I yelled at Kevin. Joe started laughing.

"What's so funny?" Kevin asked Joe.

"Nothing…Lilly hates you."

"Lilly?" He asked.

"Frankie's imaginary friend, Lilly. She says your mean to her."

"Oh, god, Joe. Grow up." He said. Kevin walked off.

"Jerk." I said.

--

The next morning was even stranger. Like… totally different.

I asked Joe.

"Joe… everyone's all busy. What's going on?"

"We're moving. To LA."

"WHAT?!" I yelled. Frankie ran into the room.

"Lilly!!" He yelled, coming up to me.

"Hey, Frankie."

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"Your brothers being a meanie." I said.

"I bet. Lets go play. Please, Lilly, please?"

"Sure." I glared at Joe as I left the room.


	4. I Wish I Could Kiss You Goodbye

--

I decided to move from the Jonas' to Miley's house in Malibu. Since they were moving, I figured that I'd leave Joe alone of a few days. He'd been acting stranger than usual, so I didn't want to push him.

I was currently sitting in their living room. Miley and Oliver were bickering about something. I didn't listen. I finally got fed up with

"UHG!! WILL YOU SHUT UP!" I looked to them They didn't stop arguing. "Of course you wont. Cause you can't hear me! Cause I'm Dead!" I yelled. I went up to the kitchen table and knocked the glass vase off of the table. It crashed to the ground with a large smashing sound. They both turned to it.

"What was that?" Miley asked. She saw the glass and walked over. She began to pick it up.

"Well, that was weird..." Oliver said as he made his way over to help Miley. I found a notepad and decided to write to them.

**MILEY. OLIVER? Its Lilly. **

I walked over to the couch and laid it there. Once the glass was picked up, they went back to the couch. Miley saw the paper.

"Hey, is this yours?" She asked, picking it up.

"No. Why?" She gasped.

"Oliver, thats so not funny." She showed it to him and he gasped too.

"Thats not mine. I swear."

I grabbed the paper out of their hands and wrote back.

**No, seriously. I'm here. I knocked over the vase to get you to stop yelling.**

I put it back on the coffee table and Miley looked at the page.

"Oliver... how'd you do that..." She asked in a terrified voice.

"I... didn't..."

"Lilly?" She asked me.

**YES!! Its me. I'm here. You can't see me.**

They both gasped at my responce.

"Lilly! Oh my god? THis... is insane!" Miley said.

**Yeah, well. I'm kinda a ghost.**

"Its ok. Hey, didn't I see you?" Oliver asked.

**You saw me? When?**

"AT your funeral. I could have sworn I saw you waving to me."

**Zomg. I'm so happy you saw that. I thought since you guys are alive, you wouldn't of. **

"I'm not crazy! I knew it!" Oliver said.

"Hey... What about Joe?"

**What about Joe?**

"Well, He's kinda ok about you dying."

**He can see me.**

"What?"

**I think he's the reason I can't move on. But it's ok. Its funny to talk to him while his brothers are talking. I'll say something funny, he'll laugh and then he will get called crazy by ****his brothers.**

"Is he the only one who can see you?"

**Nope. I'm Frankie's imaginary friend. :)**

"Oh, so your the Lilly he keeps talking about."

**Yes. Wait a minute. I have an idea.**

"An idea? Lilly?" Miley asked. I sat where Oliver was sitting, possessing him.

"Miley?" I asked. Oliver's voice coming out. LOL.

"What, Oliver?"

"Not Oliver." I said grinning.

"What?" I smiled evilly. "Lilly?" She asked, terrified.

"Yup." I smiled. She hugged me.

"Oh my god! I can't believe this!"

"I'm sorry for everything, Miley." I said.

"Sorry for what? You were the best stepsister ever."

"Thanks..." I said. "I just... I feel like I died in a sudden. I'm sorry. I didn't even see you or Jackson for like... three months."

"Yeah. It was a total shock."

"I'm sure." The doorbell rang and I quickly stepped out of Oliver.

"Hold on, Lils." She said to Oliver.

"Lils? Miley, I'm Oliver... whats going on?" Her smile quickly faded.

"Oh..." She said. She got the door. It was the brothers. Joe looked to me with relief. Miley smiled when she saw Joe's expression.

"Um.. I think I forgot something in the car." He said. He quickly walked outside. I followed him. He turned to me.

"Um.. I think I forgot something in the car." He said. He quickly walked outside. I followed him. He turned to me.

"Lilly!" He said.

"Joe!" I mocked.

"What are you doing here! I thought you had... moved on or something. I was so worried!" He said.

"Chill, Joseph. I was hanging out here. I felt kinda in the way at your house."

"Your a ghost. You can't be in the way." My smile dropped. "I'm sorry, I just..."

"Its ok. But, Joe. I'm not here forever, you know that... right?"

"Um... yeah. I know." He said stupidly. He was lying.

"Well, once you let go of me, I'll move on." He frowned. I made a sympathetic smile. "Joe, you just kinda have to move on. Like if we broke up."

"But you died. We didn't break up."

"Well, get over it. Cause I'm not coming back." He shrugged. I kissed his cheek, slightly. We couldn't feel it, but he knew it was there.

--

I lay on Joe's bed next to him. He was fast asleep, snoring ever so slightly. I lifted my hand and gently pressed my fingertips into his soft skin. I couldn't feel it, but I saw it. I knew that it wouldn't make a differnece. He wouldn't feel it. He wouldn't wake up. Not because of this. I could only talk him awake. But... why would I wake him?

He looked absolutly adorable asleep. I smiled and lay my head on his shoulder gently. I sighed. I looked up to him.

"Joe, can I tell you something?"

He didn't stir.

"Sometimes I wish that I was alive again." I whispered.

He didn't wake up.

"I wish I could just... be together again. I miss everyone. I miss seeing people... and... I don't know. I miss being alive."

He still didn't wake.

"I feel bad that you have to be around me. It makes me feel bad."

"I wish I could kiss you goodbye." I whispered into his ear before closing my eyes.

--


	5. Can You Hear Me?

Joe woke up the next morning, smiling. He got up, almost forgetting I was there and he decided to go on a run. I just lay there for a few minutes until I stared at Joe, completely surprised. He pulled off his clothes, so that he was standing there in a pair of boxers, and found new clothes. He reached for the rim of his boxers. I squeaked. He turned to me and gasped. He grabbed a blanet off the bed and wrapped it over his lower half.

"Lilly!" He said, shocked to see me.

"Joe…." I said quietly.

"…I… I didn't know you were in here……" He said quietly. I giggled.

"I didn't see anything, Joe." I said quietly. He nodded. He shifted.

"Can you… close your eyes?" He asked uneasily.

"Nope." I said smiling.

"Lilly… I have to change…"

"I know." I started giggling.

"Well… I don't want to change with you watching." he whined. I smiled.

"I'm dead, Joseph. I'll be gone soon anyway, so what could it hurt?"

"… I'd be embarrassed."

"Just change." He shot me a very annoyed look. I grinned at him. He turned away from me and shut his eyes. He slid off his boxers quickly I looked and smiled. I saw his face turn bright red as he quickly pulled on the fresh ones. His face remained the shade of red as he slipped into a pair of shorts, a t-shirt and sneakers. He looked back at me and laughed.

"Your quite cruel, you know that?"

"I'm dead. I'm allowed to be." I said smiling at him, now sitting closer to him and at the edge of his bed.

"I thought we decided no dead-girl jokes?"

"From you." I started giggling. He laughed. He sighed and looked at me.

"So… are you gonna come? Or stay here?"

"I'm gonna see if Frankie's up. If he's not… I can…. I dunno. Terrorize Nick by making him think dirty things."

"You can do that?"

"I can try. I do it to you all the time, but you can see me." Joe's eyes widened and he gaped at me.

"WHAT?!"

"I'm kidding…" He sighed and nodded.

"Ok… whatever. I'm gonna go run now."

"You do that!" I said grinning. He shot me a weird out look as I passed him and headed towards the door. I walked into Frankie's room, to see him sleeping. Figures. I smiled and walked into Nick's room. He was sitting in bed, playing guitar absent mindedly. I smiled. I sat down on his bed and lay back, just listening to his sweet, soft playing. He lead into a slightly quicker part, and then stopped suddenly. I sighed. I sat up and looked at him.

"Why did you stop?" I asked, but of course. He couldn't hear me. He sighed. "Your boring." I said quietly, lying back. His head shot up and he looked around the room.

"Can you hear me?" I asked hopefully. He didn't flinch. I sighed. I stood up and walked back to Joe's room. I lay down on his bed and sighed.

"Being dead sucks."


	6. Kiss Me

yay.

more.

don't worry...

this isn't the end.

* * *

That night, I was lying next to Joe outside in the grass. We were both staring at the stars, my head resting on his shoulder, his arm stretched out. As much as it looked like we were lying with each other, but neither of us felt the other.

I sighed and looked to Joe.

"So, you know what I realized?" I said smiling.

"What's that?"

"So, you know how I can possess people?"

"Mhmm…"

"There are so many weird things I could make you do." I started giggling. He looked at me with a mortified look.

"Lilly, you wouldn't…." He said, whining a little. I shrugged.

"I wonder what being a boy would be like. It'd probably be fun to expirecene before I'm totally gone."

"LILLY! NO!" He said nervously. "You already saw me… completely… Do you really have to do that!?"

"I wouldn't do anything weird. Just like… to see. I dunno. What its like to be a guy."

"Why would you want to know?"

"I'm curious. And dead. If I was alive, I wouldn't go anywhere near the thought, but… I dunno."

"Lilly… that's a little…weird, but…"

"You'll let me?" I squealed. He sighed and shrugged.

"I guess… I mean… its not like you'd actually listen to my opinion on the subject." he said smiling at me.

"Are you calling me bossy?"

"Not at all." He said smiling. I scoffed. We both sat in silence for a few seconds.

"Is walking weird?" I asked. Joe laughed and looked to me.

"No. How about you?"

"No, I mean… with your… you know."

"I'm a guy. I've had one for my entire life. Its not weird to me…" He said quietly.

"Maybe this is a bad idea…"

"Really?" he asked eagerly.

"Yeah. I don't want to be you. Meh. The want is gone." I started giggling and lay down again. Joe rolled his eyes and smiled at me.

--

I glanced down at the beach and saw Joe waiting for me. I smiled and walked toward him. I tapped his shoulder and he looked back. He sighed painfully.

"Sorry… I'm meeting someone here…. Can you just go?" He said quietly. I smiled at him and sat down.

"Joseph, don't be rude." I started giggling.

"Excuse me?" He asked, totally freaked out now.

"Joe. Its me. Lilly." I said smiling. He looked at me and raised one eyebrow.

"….what?"

"I possessed this girl. We can spend a day together now, and you won't look weird." His jaw dropped.

"You'd do that for me?" He asked.

"Well… yeah, but its not just for you… its for me too. I missed you." I took his hand and smiled.

"She isn't as pretty as you." He said smiling.

"Aww… well… I'm sorry… but,… I tried to find someone pretty for you." He smiled. Suddenly, his eyes widened.

"Hey…. So…. Does this mean I can kiss you?" He asked eagerly. I giggled. I moved closer to him and pressed my lips into his. We both laughed. He smiled at me. I smiled and poked his stomach.

"Guh…" He said quietly. He looked up at me and smiled. He wrapped his arms around me and took a few deep breaths. "I love you, Lilly." He whispered. I pulled away from him and sighed.

"You aren't allowed to love me, Joe. I'm dead."

"Death doesn't take someone away, it just takes them to the next step of life." He said. God, why is he so deep?

I sighed and lay down in the sand. I took a deep breath and smiled. Joe lay down next to me.

"I love the feeling of sand."

"Your adorable." Joe said smiling at me.

"You have no idea how frustrating not feeling is." I stated. He shrugged and nodded.

"Hey, Lilly…" I heard him whisper as we both looked out at the dusk heading in.

"What?" He pulled me closer to him and kissed me. All he could do is hold me tight. I sat up and looked him in the eyes. His huge brown eyes staring back at me.

"Joe… I love you…" I whispered. I kissed him gently, but lovingly. I smiled at him, and the next thing I saw was white.


	7. Excuse Me!

Happy 4th of July for the Yanks.

Happy Thursday for everyone else!

-Emilie

* * *

"Excuse me?" I yelled at Jamie. He stood up in his desk and walked over to my side of it.

"You were approved!" Jamie was a older brother figure who I met once I entered the gates. He's been helping me for the three months I've been here. He was a upright guy. He wore argyle and dressed up clothes as casual.

"But, I'm dead!"

"Yes. And you'll be alive again!" He said cheerfully.

"But… I'm dead! I can't be alive again. My mom had to bury me! My body is decaying in the ground!"

"Well, you won't be using that one anymore. You'll get a new one."

"Were am I going to live?"

"You'll live wherever you want."

"Like where? I can't live in Malibu. Everyone will recognize me! Will I still look like me?"

"You'll look like yourself, sort of. Some minor differences, like.. Hair color, eye color, maybe paler. Might be shorter. But, you won't be anyone else, but people won't recognize you." I sat back in my chair.

"This is crazy. I had to die. I went through two years of chemo, and I died from it, and then lived on earth as a ghost for two months, and now your saying that I'm being sent back to earth to be alive!? Jamie, this is not ok!"

"I know, Lilly. But, the big guy said you weren't supposed to die. That's why you survived the chemo so long. You're the one who gave up. He needs you down there for something later in life."

I groaned. "Do I really have to?"

"Yes. And, to make you feel better, I'll be going with you. As your guardian."

"Like… as a angel?"

"Yes. Like a white lighter."

"Oh, god." I closed my eyes and faced up at the ceiling.

"It won't be that bad."

"Just when I effing made him get over me…"

"Joseph will be fine."

"I'm talking about me! I'm kinda still in love with him. And he moved on!" Jamie sat back down.

"Lilly, your like my little sister, and I care about you. But you gotta get over this kid."

"Says the eternally single and dead 500 year old." Jamie was 546, but he died when he was 26.

"Not the point." He said. "I just, this is your path. I'm here for you. I'm retiring soon, so I took this job as a long term." I nodded.

"When do we leave…?" I asked begrudgingly.

"That's my girl…"

--

I walked into the house.

"This is it?" it wasn't bad. Pretty big actually. Completely furnished.

"Yes."

"This big a house for you and me?"

"My nephew is going to live here with us."

"Nephew? Does he know about your job?"

"Yes. He's like you. He died when he was eight. I helped him at first, then he got assigned a new angel. We kept in contact. His old angel retired and he's going to live with us. He can help you with adjusting to everything." He said.

"Cool." I looked into the mirror on the wall near me. My new appearance was strange. I wore glasses. Had medium length jet black hair that fell just below my shoulders and my same bright green eyes. My skin was incredibly pale and I was three inches shorter, making me five foot exactly. I was the same weight. Just as skinny as I was when I had cancer. Which was disgustingly skinny, trust me. I looked like a ghost girl. Stereotypical ghost girl, though.

I walked up to my room, which had a poster on it that read 'Keep Out'. Jamie over did himself. I opened the door and saw the objects.

Jamie said my new person had new abilities. I was amazing at playing instruments, fixing computers, drawing everything I wanted. I was supposed to like music, photography and art. My name was different too. Paige Willows. Kind of weird, but ok I guess. I sat down on the bed and sighed.

So far? Living seems worse than death was.

* * *

so... well?

what do you think?

no?

yes?

hmm?


	8. Crash

More of Lilly's misadventures in being re-alived.

_Five things you should know about me as a writer;_

1. I don't really have a life. Writing is my life, and its my love, so, don't worry about me updating so often.

2. I usually spend 12-14 hours a day writing.

3. I read more than I write, and I can honestly say, if you want to be a writer, you have to read a whole lot of books.

4. I'm working on my first novel as we speak...or read ... or write, for me. Its almost finished it's first draft.

5. I really like writing for you guys, and hearing your feedback, and I'm truly grateful for all of your support.

Ok, anywho.

Does anyone know a super awesome Loe or Nilly story with a author who updates frequently? Cause I'm comming to notice, that none of the stories I read get updated more than like... once a month, and its effing bothering me. I seriously need some new reads!! Want me to read yours? I'll be pretty freaking happy to.

I think I'm gonna start making myself reveiw everything I read. It bothers me that I don't, and I really should. Yeah, I am going to start.

MROW.

LESSTHANTHREE.

-Emilie

* * *

The next afternoon, Jamie's nephew was coming. I was sitting in the living room, waiting. After about forty minutes of waiting, the doorbell rang. Jamie ran to it.

"Jamie!" The boy yelled. They hugged.

"Les! How you been!"

"Good. Its such a bummer about Lena, but I'm glad to be with you." He said. The two came into the room.

The boy was tall. He had dark brown hair that was shaggy like Oliver's but less straight. He was wearing a t-shirt and jeans. Simple. But familiar?

"Lilly, this is Leslie." Jamie said. "Les, this is my new charge, Lilly." Les shook my hand and looked at me.

"Whats your _new_ name?" He asked.

"Paige." I said.

"I'll call you that. So you can get used to it." I nodded.

"Is Leslie your real name?"

"Yeah. People here call me Tom. Sometimes Jake."

"You look really familiar." I said He shrugged.

"Ever heard of Jake Ryan?"

"Yeah…"

"That's me." He said. Holy crap! Jake?

"Jake? Really? I knew you."

"Hmmm. Lilly. Wait… Lilly Truscott? Miley's friend?" I nodded.

"Yeah. Small world."

"Real small." He said.

--

I was sitting in the park taking pictures of flowers and things. I wasn't that bad at photography. It was actually fun. The pictures were artistic, and beautiful. I found a meaning in everything I saw. I shot about three rolls of film that day.

I was walking out of the park when I ran head into a oncoming runner. I fell down onto the ground and my camera skid across the pavement. I quickly stood up and ran over to it. It was scratched up, but not terribly injured.

"I'm so sorry." I heard a voice say. I turned around to the runner.

It was Joe.

"Um… I…" I said.

"Is your camera ok?"

"Yeah. Just a little scratched up." He smiled. My heart melted.

"I haven't seen you around her much. Are you new to the neighborhood?"

"Yeah. My names… Paige. Paige Willows. I live down the street with my uncle and cousin."

"I'm Joe Jonas."

"I know… I mean.. Nice to meet you, Joe." I said. We shook hands.

"I'm guessing you're a fan?"

"Sorta."

I'm only the girl you fell in love with and who died five months ago.

"Well, welcome to the neighborhood."

"Thanks." He nodded and kept running. I melted. I looked down to my knee. It was bleeding. Bleeding! YES! I walked home quickly and saw Jamie.

"Jamie! Look! I'm bleeding!" He smiled and nodded. I knew it wasn't huge to him, but it was a big deal to me.

"Good for you." He said. "You want a Band-Aid?"

"Hold on. I want to take a picture." I pulled out my camera and snapped a picture of my bleeding leg. I smiled at Jamie.

"Now do you want one, or are you gonna just look at it?" He said.

"Yeah. Where are they." He pointed to the cabinet where I found some Neosporin and a Band-Aid. I put it on and Les came down.

"What happened to you?" He asked.

"She's bleeding." Jamie said, making it seem stupid.

"I see that. How?"

"Oh, it doesn't matter, she's bleeding." Jamie was now mocking me.

"Oh, first cut?" I smiled at him and nodded. "How'd it happen?"

"I ran into…." I trailed off and looked back down at my leg.

"Who, Lils." Jamie asked.

"Joe…" I said, not looking up. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jamie nod.

"Joe? Joe who?" Les asked.

"Joe Jonas. He was my boyfriend before I died. And… he saw me as a ghost."

"He saw you?"

"He was the reason I couldn't make it in. I was here as a ghost for a good two months. Joe could see me." He made a confused look then nodded. Les walked over to the table and sat down.

"What's for dinner?" He asked.

"Chicken." Jamie said. Les nodded.

"I'm not hungry." I stood up and went up to my room. It was a cool room, the walls were purple, the furniture was white. It had a Macbook in it, which had Photoshop on it. It had rolls and rolls of film in a box and in the basement was a developing lab. The camera was a Pentax, and pretty good. It also had every sharpie in ever size and color you could think of, and all the pens, pencils and paints you could have in a art desk. There was supplies to make clothing and stuff.

I already tried everything out. Filled half of one wall with drawing of things. People. I made three Lolita dresses. Created a DeviantArt account. I was working on a purple pleated skirt at the moment. I had pinned the bottom, and was going to iron it. There was a knock on the door. I turned to it.

"Yes?" Les was there.

"Paige, are you going to be ok for school tomorrow?" He asked.

"Yeah. I'll be fine." He nodded. "Hey, do people know your Jake Ryan?"

"No… Kind of a secret thing. I originally came back for Miley, but… I moved on."

"Yeah. That's cool. You still doing movies?"

"Not really." He said. I nodded.

--

The next morning I was starting school. Les was driving me to school. He was a year older than me, so he could drive. I was 15, he was 16. He was a good driver. I was silent for most of the drive. I decided to speak up.

"So… Is it hard?" He looked to me and smiled, like he was waiting or me to talk.

"Not really. You get used to being someone else after a few weeks."

"Can I ask how you died?"

"Yeah. Car crash. Drunk driver when I was eight."

"Did it hurt?"

"Yes. Really badly. But, the pain went away." I nodded. "Did it hurt for you?"

"No. I had leukemia. It was just like getting really ,really tired and falling asleep. Chemo is the worst though."

"Yeah. Two years of it, right?" I nodded.

"Two years of chemotherapy and four years of cancer." I said.

"Did you have it when I knew you?"

"Yeah. Found out about six months after I met Miley."

"Oh. That sucks." We pulled into school. I sighed. Les parked the car and turned it off. "Are you ready?" He asked.

"No. Not at all." I said nervously.

"Well, to bad, cause your going." He opened the door and stepped out. I begrudgingly followed him into the building. He handed me a schedule and a paper that had a locker number and combo.

"Jamie gave me these. Don't stand out on your first day, Paige. it's the biggest mistake. Especially cause they know you. Lay low for the first few weeks, make some friends. Nobody can find out." I nodded and took the papers.

"I'll be ok." I said. He nodded. He took out a cell phone and handed it to me.

"Text me if you need anything." He said. I nodded and he walked off. I looked at the page. Locker 1393. I looked around and found the 1300's. I found my locker and opened it with the combination, 12-02-19-23. It was empty. I put my books inside and looked back to the paper. Homeroom 329. I closed my locker and jumped. There was someone standing there. A certain curly haired boy. Nick effing Jonas.

"AHh!" I yelled, dropping my books. He gasped and helped me with them. Kneeling, I picked up the strewn books and stood back up.

"Sorry about that." Nick said.

"Its ok. You just surprised me."

"I'm Nick." He stuck out his hand and I shook it.

"I'm… Paige. I'm new here."

"Well, I guess we're locker neighbors."

"That's your locker?"

"Yeah."

"Your Nick Jonas, right?" I asked.

"Yeah, you aren't another fan girl, are you?"

"No, not really. I met your brother the other day. Well, I ran into him. Literally."

"Oh, right. Joe?"

"Yeah." I said.

"So, what's your homeroom?"

"329."

"Oh, That's mine too!" He smiled and led me into homeroom.

I'm screwed.

--

When I went home, Jamie was asking about my day.

"SO?" He asked, leaning against my doorway.

"It wasn't terrible, but… hard I guess. Les helped a lot."

"Good. I'm glad." He smiled. "Oh, yeah. You have some visitors.'

"What!?" I yelled. He simply smiled and went downstairs. I followed him and found Nick, Joe and Kevin standing at my door. I gasped. I looked to Jamie, who looked at me.

"Hi…" I said.

"We just wanted to welcome you to the neighborhood." Joe said. I melted again. Oh god, why did I have to die!

"Thanks, I guess." I saw Joe glance to my bandaged up knee.

"Did I do that?"

"Oh, well… it wasn't your fault. I wasn't looking where I was going."

"Yeah. Her eyes were in the lenses, not on the surroundings as usual." Jamie said.

"I'm a photographer." I said.

"Oh. Cool." Joe said. AhH! DID HE ALWAYS HAVE TO BE SO IRESISTABLE!"

"I'm Kevin, by the way. It seems I'm the only one who hasn't met you." Kevin said. I shook his hand.

"I'm Paige. Paige Willows." The three adorable boys smiled.


	9. Eternity

So, I realized that on Friday I said 'Happy Thursday'. I honestly didn't know it was Friday. That's summer for you.

I also realized that Seth Ginsburg from As The Bell Rings was my camp counselor at day camp when I was 11. Freaky, huh?

Woo.

Parrrtah.

I'm becomming obsessed with the Perks of Being a Wallflower. Meow.

Reviews make me super happy.

-Emilie

* * *

Two weeks later.

Nick had become my best friend, Joe had drifted farther from me, and I didn't interact much with Kevin. Miley and Oliver hated me now. They labeled me as the new emo girl and I haven't spoke to them at all.

Nick was coming over today. Photo shoot I didn't tell him about. He burst through the door and sat down on the chair.

"Ready?" He asked.

"Yep. Camera's all good. Where do you want to go?" He gave me a confused look.

"What?…" He asked blantly.

"I'm gonna take some pictures of you. Duh." I said.

"Paaaige…. No…" He said in a tired whining voice.

"Yes. Come on, you baby."

"Uhg… I thought you said we were gonna have a normal day."

"Well, this is a normal day."

"I have to leave at five. I have a date with Hannah." I groaned.

"Whatever." I said.

"Paige, you can't hate her forever. Don't be jealous."

"Stop acting so conceited, Nick. I'm not jealous. She's just a total bitch. And if you haven't noticed, she also hates me."

"She doesn't hate you."

"Yes, she does, Nick." He shrugged and gave in.

"And I'm not acting conceited."

"Yeah! Nick, No offence, but your not the Jonas brother I like."

"No. You like Joe…" I spun around to him.

"Shut up, Nick." I said coldly. It was always a sore subject with me.

"Why? Why do you always do that when I bring up Joe. Tell me."

"He… He… Its nothing, OK?" I stuttered out.

"He what? You've known him for what, three weeks, and you've spoke to him like.. Twice. What could he have done to you in that time?"

"Its not what he did. I did it to him." I whispered.

"Paige, what are you talking about?"

"Nothing. My camera's ready. Let's go." I said. He nodded. "Did you bring your guitar?"

"Yep." I smiled and led him outside. We went to the park. I sat him down on a bench and he started to play. He played a pretty riff and sang to it.

"_Looking at a picture, of you, in my hands…_" I snapped a photo. "_Wonderin' if I'll ever see, you again_." I looked to him.

"What song is that?" I asked.

"Eternity."

"Whats it about." Nick went silent for a second.

"This girl…" he started.

"Break up?" I asked.

"No. She died." Wait a minute…

"Oh…"

"She was Joe's girlfriend and mine and Kevin's best friend. She died of leukemia about six months ago." I was right.

It was me.

"So you guys wrote a song…" I said, tearing up. He nodded.

"Without you I don't know how my life will be  
But I believe  
It's not goodbye  
Cause I will remember you  
And I will see you again  
When I rise  
Cause I know and I believe  
I will see you in eternity

So close yet so far  
But in my heart you're here with me  
You did not leave  
You just went to live in eternity

Without you I don't know how my life will be  
But I believe  
It's not goodbye  
Cause I will remember you  
And I will see you again  
When I rise  
Cause I know and I believe  
I will see you in eternity

We will live in the light of the sun again  
Dancing in the river of life and  
Knowing that'll never end  
Forever by your side  
We'll never have to say goodbye  
Cause I will remember you  
And I will see you again  
When I rise  
Cause I know and I believe  
I will see you in eternity

It's not goodbye  
Cause I will remember you  
And I will see you again  
When I rise  
Cause I know and I believe  
I will see you in eternity  
I will see you in eternity." Nick sang. I started to cry. My hand grasped my mouth. I was trying not to make a scene. I couldn't stop. It started to rain. Nick looked up to me.

"What's wrong?" He asked. I fell to my knees and burst out in tears, not even trying to stop it. He pulled me up to the bench and hugged me for a minute. After a while of crying, and him trying to comfort me, I wanted to go home. We started to walk, the rain getting heavier and heavier. I finally got to my street. I looked to Nick.

"Are you just going to cry?"

"Probably."

"Can I ask why your crying?" I nodded.

"I'm just really sorry ,Nick. For everything I put you and your brothers through. I'm the biggest jerk on earth. I was trying to make it so you guys wouldn't see me before I died, but, you came to the hospital, and Joe… He saw me for a good month. I was a ghost. I made him find a girlfriend, so I could make it in. So he'd get over me." I couldn't stop talking. I kept crying. I turned away from Nick and began walking down the street. Nick grabbed my hand.

"Paige…"

"Stop calling me by that stupid fake name." I snapped at him. "It hurt that you guys didn't even cry at my funeral." I pulled my hand from his and ran to my house.


	10. Don't Hate Me Cause I'm Dead

The next chapter is my favorite in the world.

You'll see why.

Blah.

Ok, so this week has 100 percent sucked for me. I found out there is no hope for my computer files of the last YEAR of all my writing (Fanfiction, and not) and pictures and music. Its gone. Which... means, I have to start over.

I'm saving up for a Mac, because I don't trust PC's anymore. Unfortunatly, I have about 400 dollars saved right now. Macbooks are about 1,200 with the goods.

Bleh. Read this;

Violet Carter is generally a pretty happy person. She's smart, pretty and has a great base of friends. That is, until, her boyfriend starts to manipulate her into being a ghostly, self destructive shadow of who she once was. Maybe her best friend could help her. Joe Thompson would do anything for Violet. He's in love with her.

Yes? No?

Would you guys read that as an actual book?

Meh.

There are numerous Perks references. Oh, the irony. Well... obviously, cause I'm obsessed.

Lawl. Ok. Bai

Cookies for reviewers!!

-Emilie

* * *

Nick's POV

The next day at school, Paige wasn't there And I needed to talk to her. Whatever had happened yesterday, was haunting me. After school I went over to her house to see her. Whether or not she's Lilly, or whatever, She's still my best friend. I rung the door bell. I waited a second, then her Uncle answered.

"Nicholas. What can I do for you?" He asked.

"Is Paige here?"

"She's sick, so unless this Is incredibly important,"

"It is. I really need to talk to her." He nodded and went upstairs. He soon came back with Paige. She was wearing shorts and a t-shirt, sitting on her bed looking at some film. She looked to me, then sighed.

"What do you want?" She asked.

"Paige, what happened yesterday?"

"I took some pictures of you. That's it." She said.

"What about our conversation,"

"Which one are you referring to…?" She asked, I cut her off.

"The one where you said you were Lilly." She froze.

"I was crazy. I didn't know what I was talking about. I don't know anybody named Lilly." She said

"Then how did you know everything about what happened to Lilly?" I asked. She fell silent for a minute

"Nobody can find out." She said. "Especially not Joe. I'm dead as far as you all know." I gasped. I was speechless. I hugged her. She seemed surprised by it, but She caught on after a second.

"You… I …." I tried to say.

"I was a ghost for two month after died. Joe could see me for that time. That's how I knew about you guys not crying. I helped Joe meet Jordan. Then Jamie told me that I wasn't supposed to die. And… here I am." She said.

"So… you died? And… came… back?" She nodded slowly. I sighed. I looked to her, and hugged her again. "Lilly, we've missed you…" I whispered to her. She sighed and looked up at me.

"Nick, I'm sorry…" I whispered. He held me in his arms for a second. He looked at me and smiled.

"Can I ask you something?" I nodded. "What's it like?"

"Dying?" He nodded sheepishly. I shrugged. "It hurts." I said, my face completely serious. I can't keep it, and a smile crept across my face. We laughed together.

"But, really?"

"I dunno."

"Did you get to… you know…."

"No. I didn't meet him, but granted, I wasn't supposed to die in the first place."

"RIght. Right." He said quietly.

"It doesn't hurt that much. Course, Leukemia is different. Les says that car crashes hurt, though."

"I'd expect so." He said nodding. Then his eyes widened. "Wait, what about Joe!?"

"What about Joe?"

"Well… I dunno… you… shouldn't you guys like…"

"No. I'm dead, remember? I can't just walk in on him and tell him that I love him." I spat. He sighed.

"Lilly…"

"Paige." I snapped.

"Paige. Right. Well… you… I… um… I don't know anymore…"

"Exactly. Which is why you have to keep your twerpy little mouth shut." I smiled at him. He gave me a look.

"Don't call me twerpy."

"Watch me." He and I stared at each other for a few seconds, then burst out laughing.

--


	11. She'll Never Compare To You

Last update until hiatus.

I love this chapter.

Also...

Does anyone else think that Joe Jonas acts EXACTLY like Ashton Kutcher in That's 70's Show sometimes?

Heres a quote, everyone needs to hear.

"I don't put my keys my my pocket because it disracts from my natural bulge!!"

Bahaha. Oh, Kelso.

Review pleeeease.

-Emilie

* * *

I woke up the next morning slowly. I sighed and looked up around my room. I sighed and fell back, and suddenly felt strange. I turned my head to the left and looked straight into the sleeping face of Joe Jonas. I yelped, and jumped out of bed. Joe stirred. I could just imagine what he'd see when he woke up.

Me, standing there, my annoyingly straight hair completely perfectish looking, which should make me satisfied, but actually annoyed me, my short, completely white legs having this ghostly glow because I'm only wearing a pair of black shorts and a navy thermal that had to long sleeves so that they hung over my clenched hands, staring at him awkwardly. What a freak. I can't believe there was a time when he actually liked me.

Joe slowly opened his eyes and looked to me. He jumped and gasped, falling off the bed in a thump. He looked at me confused.

"What…am…" He stuttered.

"I don't know…."

"I'm gonna go…" He said quietly. I nodded. He walked out of the room quickly. I sat back down on my bed and wish to death that I hadn't woken him.

Five minutes later, Joe came bolting back into the room franticly. He stared at Lilly quietly.

"Joe? What--"

"They can't see me…" He mumbled.

"What?"

"Nobody… My family can't see me! They're having breakfast, and I went in and… they didn't see me… none of them…" He stuttered. He looked at me. "Paige, how can you see me, and they can't?"

Suddenly, the door opened to reveal Jamie standing there looking at them

"Paige. What is going…" He trailed off when he looked at Joe. "What are you doing here, Joseph?" He asked. Joe gawked at him.

"You can see me too?!" He asked. Jamie nodded. Joe looked from me to Jamie. "What is going on!?" He asked turning around and hitting his head over and over again. I jumped up and ran towards him. I grabbed his wrists to stop him. He looked at me warily.

"Joe, calm down." I said quietly. I turned to Jamie. "Can you see what's going on?" Jamie nodded and left the room. I looked back to Joe. He was struggling not to pull out of my grasp.

"Paige… what's going on?" He asked quietly. "Why can't my family see me? How come you can?" I shook my head.

"Just calm down." I said. I lead him towards my bed and he sat down. I let go of his wrists and he exhaled and inhaled quickly. "What's the last think you remember?" I asked. Joe thought for a second.

"Um… I… I can't remember… I.. I was in my bedroom… and…" He said quietly. "I don't know." I nodded. Jamie returned and looked at us warily.

"He's on the waiting list." He said to me. My eyes widened.

"I'm on the what?" Joe asked, standing up.

"The waiting list. Your in a coma. Drug induced. They haven't decided yet." Joe just stared at me.

"What does that mean?!"

"You're a ghost, Joe." Jamie said bluntly. Joe stared at him like he was a complete nutter.

"I…. I'm dead?"

"No. In a coma. There's a difference." Jamie explained.

"I…" Joe stuttered. He stumbled back against the wall and slid down to the floor, pulling his knees to his chest. He just started shaking. I'd never seen Joe like this. I'd never seen Joe so scared. I looked to Jamie, and he nodded. I stood up and walked toward him. I sat down next to him and sighed. He glanced to me. I slowly moved my arms around him, so that I was basically hugging him. He gave me a confused look, but then just accepted it.

"Its gonna be ok." I whispered. Jamie gave me a look and left the room. "Dying isn't that bad." He pulled away from me and gave me a strange look.

"You've died before?" He asked, like it was a joke.

"That's why I can see you." I said nodding. He sighed.

"I can't believe this…" He mumbled. "Lilly is going to be so pissed at me." the statement was said to himself, under his breath, but I heard it. I laughed. He looked to me. "She's--"

"I know."

"Nick told you."

"Not exactly." I said calmly. Joe gave me a look I held up one finger to him, telling him to wait. "I'll be right back. I have to ask Jamie something." Joe nodded. I stood up and walked downstairs where Jamie and Les were standing in the kitchen drinking coffee. Jamie looked at me warily.

"How's he taking it?"

"Um… well… I don't know." I said quietly, because I honestly couldn't tell what he was thinking. "Jamie, can I tell him?"

"Tell him what?"

"About… me." I said quietly. Jamie thought for a second.

"I suppose. Especially considering the damage control I'm gonna have to do for this one." I grinned and nodded, then went back up to my room. Joe was looking at a picture I'd taken of Nick a few days ago. From the park. Joe looked up at me and smiled. I joined his side and looked at the stack.

"These are good." He said in a very satisfied voice. I shrugged.

"Joe…" I said in a small voice. He looked at me with this innocent face that Joe was famous for doing, and my heart melted. I took a deep breath. "I… I gotta tell you something." He nodded. I sighed and rubbed the back of my neck in silence, then spoke up. "Um… you know how you said Lilly would be mad if you died, and I knew who she was?" Joe nodded again. "I know who she is… because… I kind of… am her." I stuttered. Joe stared at me, wide eyed.

"Excuse me!?" he asked.

"Joe… I couldn't tell you. I was dead, and they said I wasn't supposed to die… and I know I sort of set you up with Jordan, you know… possessing her and stuff but… I just--" He cut me off by practically swallowing me in a hug. He pulled me close to his body. I smiled and hugged back. I pulled away from him slightly and smiled. I realized how much taller he was from me now. Practically an entire foot. He just stared at me with this really happy expression. He leaned down and kissed me gently. I pulled away and looked at him.

"What about that girlfriend of yours?" I asked. He shook his head.

"She'll never compare to you."


	12. Just Lie There

Sup, homies.

OK, so reason for my absence; I've been in upstate New York in LETERALLY the middle of the woods for two weeks, when I was supposed to leave last Saturday. Pssh. So, basically, I sat in a cabin and wrote for two weeks!!

Livi stuff; So, some people don't exactly know what's going on. Livi passed away on June 19 from leukemia. I didn't exactly want to put it in chapters, because to be honest, it hurt to much. Livi was my best friend, and I lost her... and its just, I dunno. It's hard.

Emilie stuff; Hi. My name is Emilie. I'm 14, and I'll be writing for you from now on. I like Aussie kids, cute boys, reading long books and writing. I hope you guys don't hate me for taking over Livi's account, but she asked me to. I've been writing part time for this account for a year. I hope you guys like my writing.

Gah. I'll update more as soon as I can. Tommorow's my Jonas brother's concert, and I am PSYCHED! Lol. Um, yeah. Yay.

Reviews, would honestly make me so happy right now.

lessthanthree;

Emilie

* * *

-

Joe and I sat on my bed. We did nothing but talk for the rest of the day. Like before I was Paige, back when I was a ghost.

At around four, my bedroom door burst open and Nick stood there. Joe looked to him worried.

"Can he see me?" Joe asked. I glared at him gently, so that Nick couldn't see.

"Nick… what's with the whole… lets knock down Paige's door! Thing?" I asked. Nick looked really pale and upset.

"Paige… um…. Its Joe… He's…"

"In a coma." Joe looked to me confused.

"Why are you telling him you know? Isn't this supposed to be a secret?" he asked.

"How did you know that?" Nick asked. I sighed.

"Because Jamie told me." I said. Nick gave me a confused look, and sat down on the end of the bed, his legs in a pretzel.

"Explain?" Nick said.

"Well… Jamie's kind of… an angel, if you wanna think of it that way. I woke up this morning with Joe next to me, and we asked, and Jamie told us." I explained. Nick gave me a shocked look.

"Wha--Wha… what do you mean he woke up next to you?" Nick asked franticly.

"Joe's… kind of a ghost." I said quietly. Nick's eyes bugged out and he stood up.

"What!?" I sighed and gestured to Joe, who was sitting near my feet, looking at Nick.

"He's right there. You can't see him. You've never died."

"Yeah. I haven't, and I'm proud of it!" Nick said smugly. I stuck out my tongue at him.

"Can you ask him why I'm in a coma?" Joe asked impatiently. I nodded and looked to Nick.

"Do you know why he's in a coma?" Nick shook his head.

"No… The doctors said something about self infliction, but Joe would never do that." Nick said quietly. I looked to Joe, who squirmed. He looked away from Nick and I.

"…Joe?" I asked quietly. He glanced up at me nervously. He stayed quiet.

"Is he saying anything?" Nick asked. I shook my head. "Joe, if you have to tell us anything, please. Just say it." Nick looked around the room.

"…I think I tried to kill myself…" Joe whispered. I felt my eyes widen, then look at him disbelievingly.

"What?!" I asked.

"What'd he say?" Nick asked. Joe looked up at me. He sighed.

"…I think I overdosed. I'm not sure… but…" He whispered.

"Joe, why would you do that?" I asked nervously. Joe sighed and shrugged.

"Do what? Lil-- Paige, what is he saying?" Nick asked impatiently. I glared at Nick for a second.

"Joe says he might have overdosed."

"What?!" Nick yelped. I saw Joe squirm.

"I was stressed out… nothing was going right…. Stop making it worse…" Joe snapped before he buried his head in his hands. I edged closer and rested my hand on his shoulder. He looked at me, and I could tell he was trying his hardest to hold back tears.

"Lilly, how come you can touch me, and I feel?" He whispered.

"I'm dead, remember." I said quietly. "And you aren't." He looked at me questioningly. "We're on the same field of existence. Before, I was dead, and you were alive. Now we're both in between." I sighed and moved closer to him.

"I'm sorry, Lilly." He whispered. "I shouldn't have done it. I shouldn't have taken them." He took a deep breath and looked to me quietly. "I just couldn't take this anymore."

"Take what exactly?!" I asked, annoyed and fuming now. Joe just sighed.

"Ok…. This is going to suck." Nick said, also annoyed.

"What?" Joe asked. I glared at him, then he remembered that Nick couldn't see or hear him.

"What?" I asked.

"You talking to Joe all the time. I can't see him."

"Nick, go home."

"What? Why?" I rolled my eyes and smiled softly.

"Go home. Go to bed. You've had a rough day."

"Not as rough as me." Joe muttered. I ignored him and looked to Nick.

"Yeah… I guess."

"Sleep it off. Things… will be ok. I'll make sure of it." I said quietly. Nick nodded, and sighed.

"See ya." he mumbled, walking out the door of my bedroom. Joe looked to me.

"You know you can't promise him that."

"I know… but… Joe, he's my best friend. I don't want him to get wrecked over your stupid mistakes." I rolled my eyes at him and sat back. Joe looked down at me.

"Lilly, are you mad at me?"

"Yes."

"…Is it ok if I stay here?"

"Where else do you expect to go?" I snapped.

"Is that a yes?" he asked meekly.

"Yes, but only because I don't want you getting lost among humans." I explained. He nodded.

"Can I hold you?"

"No."

"But…"

"Just lay there, Joe."

"Ok.


	13. It's Just A Dream, Relax

So, here's an update. You guys rockkkkk...

My Jonas concert was last night in Hershey. It was amazing. I was within ten-twenty feet of all three at one point, and Nick looked at me funny, which I think was because of my hair, which was purple, blue, green, orange, pink and blonde last night. Totally rad.

Reviews are amazing, and I would totally appreciate a bunch!!

lessthanthree!

-Emilie

* * *

--

The next morning, I woke to Joe's nose on the back of my neck. His arms were wrapped around me gently, and his eyes were shut. I pulled away from him and sat up. He immediately jerked up straight and gave me a surprised look.

"Sorry… I just…" He mumbled.

"It's fine." I said quietly. I sighed.

"What are you gonna do today?" He asked softly. I looked to him and shrugged.

"I have school, but then I'm gonna go see you. With Nick, probably."

"What do you mean? I'm right here?"

"In the hospital, Joe. Your body."

"Right… I… I knew that."

"Sure you did." I said quietly. I walked toward the door and went downstairs, Joe behind me. When I approached the kitchen, I saw Les sitting there, drinking coffee. I looked at him and sighed.

"So, Joe's a stoner?" Les asked. Joe glared at him.

"I am not." Joe mumbled. Les smirked.

"You are too." He said, taking another sip of his coffee. Joe looked at him astounded.

"You can see me?"

"I'm dead, too." Les said, as if it was nothing special. Joe nodded in response.

"I'm not a stoner." Joe said quietly. "It was one time, and…" He trailed off.

"I was being sarcastic. You deserve it, though. Suicide is really frowned upon up there."

"I wasn't trying to kill myself…"

"Yes, Joe. You were."

"No, I wasn't." Les just rolled his eyes. Joe scoffed in annoyance, then leaned on the counter.

"Joe, I think you should stay here. No offence… but… school is already pretty distracting with you there." I said quietly, picking up the coffee I had just poured. Joe then looked really upset.

"What? No… come on, Lilly! I don't want to be here all alone…"

"Jamie will be here. Just… go back to sleep."

"I don't sleep. I'm dead." He mocked.

"You aren't dead quite yet." Les mumbled.

"But… please? Lilly, that isn't fair."

"Why is he calling you Lilly?" Les asked. I looked to him and shrugged.

"I guess you need to call me Paige. It is my name now." Joe frowned and nodded. "Nick does." I mumbled. "And he's known for a while."

"How long ago did you tell him?"

"One, maybe two weeks ago." I said quietly. Joe sighed, then nodded. I moved toward the door of the kitchen.

"I'm leavin' in 45 minutes. If you want a ride, be down here in 40!" Les reminded as I began to climb stairs. Joe was still following me.

"Um… Paige?" Joe asked when we got to my room.

"What?"

"Do you hate me?"

"If you die, yes." I said quietly.

"And if I don't?" He said pleadingly. He looked at him solemnly, then moved closer to him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. His hands found my lower back and he hugged me. I held back tears, barley. I breathed in gently and sighed. "I'm so sorry…" He whispered in my ear.

"Its not ok, Joe. I can't lose you… not again."

"You won't. No matter what, I'm not letting this happen." He mumbled into my hair. I sighed, and nodded.

"I'll talk to Jamie later, maybe he can do something." Joe nodded. He just looked at each other for a few seconds in silence. Joe pulled me closer and kissed me gently.

"I missed you so much…" He whispered, his eyes still closed, his neck still bent down, lips inches from mine. I leaned up and kissed him again.

"I missed you, too." I said quietly. I pulled away from him. "Now, go find something to do. I gotta get ready for school." Joe nodded, then smirked.

"Can I watch?" He asked, raising one eyebrow,. I gasped and hit the back of his head.

"No!!" I yelped. "Joe, what the hell!?" He rubbed the back of his head and sighed.

"Well… you saw me…" He mumbled.

"No, Joe. Go away." I walked toward the bathroom, glancing back at him.

"I can't. I'm sort of dead." He remarked, turning to my door.

"Doesn't have the same effect, does it?"

"Not really."

--

I slumped up to my room after school that day. Nick wasn't at school, and I didn't really have any friends besides him, so it was rather lonely. I went into my room and gave a deep sigh. I lay down on my bed next to Joe, who had his eyes shut, and I curled up next to him. He looked to me and frowned.

"Whats wrong?" He asked.

"Bad day." I whispered.

"You had a bad day, take'a one down. Sing a sad song just to turn it--" I hit in on the shoulder to make him stop singing. He laughed. "It couldn't have been that bad." He said quietly.

"Nick wasn't there."

"Again, it couldn't have been that bad." I glared at him.

"Ok, look. Joe, incase you haven't noticed, which I'm guessing you haven't, because well, you're popular, but Nick is sort of my best friend, and unfortunately, cause you know, I died, I don't have any other ones!!" I shut my eyes and wrapped my arms around the pillow. I whimpered gently, trying not to cry. Joe hugged me and sighed.

"I'm sorry, ok. Its not like I knew it was you." He said quietly. I sat up and looked at him.

"It doesn't matter, Joe. You were at least nice to me. All of my old friend hate my guts no because of this." I sighed. Joe sat up and wrapped both arms around me, and pulled me into a hug.

"Things will get better. I'll make sure of that." He whispered. "You look tired. I think you should sleep." I nodded. He smiled and wrapped his arms around me. I fell asleep.

--

The next morning, I woke up alone. Joe was gone. I got up, and went downstairs, and saw someone in the kitchen making breakfast. A woman, blonde and short. She looked familiar, but I couldn't place where I'd seen her before. She spun around to look at me, and she smiled.

"Good morning, sweetie." She said cheerfully. "I was wondering when you were gonna get up. It's late." She added, now preparing a plate of pancakes. "Joe called, and I told him you were still asleep," She chuckled, then shook her head. "I must say, that boy has it in for you."

"He… called?" I asked, finally able to speak. She nodded profusely.

"Of course. Like he always does." She said. She placed the plate of food on the counter in front of me and grinned. "Now, eat up, Hon, he's waiting to take you to school." I nodded in compliance and sat down.

"Um… but… Were is Jamie?… and… Les?" I asked. She gave me an innocent face.

"Who? Are those friends of your's, Lilly?" My jaw dropped when I remembered her.

Mom.

"Um… no… never mind." I just stared at her for a while. She smiled, and gave me a questioning look.

"What are you staring at, sweetie?" She asked, chuckling softly. I snapped from my gaze. "You look like you've seen a ghost!"

_Not exactly. _

I laughed nervously and shook my head. "No, no. I'm fine." I said quietly. She nodded and grinned.

"Well, Joe will be here soon. You should go get dressed." I nodded and went up to my room. I got dressed, and went downstairs. Joe was standing there, smiling. He looked to me and grinned.

"Ready to go?" He asked. I nodded. He moved closer to me, and his thigh brushed against mine as he smiled. I blushed. He took my hand and kissed me, then immediately pulled away.

"Ow…" he whispered, looking behind me, wincing.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't know… my… my chest. It's nothing. I'm fine." He said, smiling again. He kissed me again, and moaned in pain.

"Joe, what's wrong?" I asked, nervously. His hand pressed to the center of his chest and he gasped.

"Ah,…" He whispered. His hand pressed harder, and his white t-shirt suddenly changed. A dark reddish color appeared from under his hand, and spread, soaking his shirt. I gasped.

"Joe! Oh my god!!" I squealed, pulling his hand away from the red and looking at it. He pulled up his t-shrit to reveal a large gash in his upper chest. Over his heart. "Joe, when did you get this?!" I asked franticly. He sighed and looked at me directly in the eyes.

"When you died." he whispered, his voice harsh.

"What? What are you talking about?!"

"When you left me. Lilly, you left me. Forever. And I'll never forgive you…" He breathed, as blood began to pour from the gash, and started to soak his clothes. He coughed and his knees buckled, and he fell. I kneeled down to him quickly.

"NO! JOE, PLEASE!!" Tears began pouring down my face in streaks as he coughed and sputtered blood. "JOE!! Wake up!" I screamed, sobbing now.

"JOE!!"

--

"JOE!" I screamed, sitting up straight in bed, sweat drenching my entire body. I looked around panicking. I felt a hand touch mine, and I looked to it. Joe's worried expression pained me.

"Paige, Are you ok?" He asked, nervously awaiting my response. I panted silently.

"it… it was just a dream?" I asked. He nodded.

"Yeah…. You had a nightmare?"

"I… it seemed so nice to start out… my mom was there… and then you…." I fell silent.

"I what?" He asked innocently. I looked to him.

"You… you had this gash over your heart, and… when I asked where it came from… you said it was from when I died." Joe sighed and shook his head. He wrapped his arms around me gently and he held me tight.

"Shsssh… it was just a dream." He cooed. I nodded slightly. I sat up, pulling out of his grasp, and I lifted the bottom of his shirt. I pushed it up so I could see all of his chest, then I sighed. There was no gash. I sighed. "Looking for something?" he asked, chuckling. I shrugged.

"It was just a dream." I whispered, lying back. He nodded quietly.

"Yeah. Relax. It was just a dream."

* * *

I liked writing the dream. It's kinda supposed to be Lilly's idea of what she used to have, and how she wants it back, and then Joe dies cause she broke his heart when she died. If... you didn't get it, which I would totally understand. Its a bit confusing.

Yay! Review... please... smiles.


	14. Help!

Hey, guys.

I don't know what's going on with my whole writting deal. I'm probably just gonna try to continue as best I can with what I have.

**I'm looking for a writing partner to share this account with. **

No joke, I'm serious. I can't handle all of the stories by myself, and I'd love to write with someone again, because I've got so much work to do.

If you've got your own account, that's cool, it doesn't matter. Just send me a link to some writing, and I'll get back to you.

I'm sort of desprate. Please, please, anyone.

PM me, or Email me at

I'm kind of on stand still at the moment.

I'm not gonna update for a week or two, then I might start again if someone starts writing with me...ok?

Sorry this isn't an update, but I really needed to get this out!

Love you guys,

Emilie


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